Read the story and check your guesses. CUSTOMERS MUST HAVE HAIR

Read the story and check your guesses. CUSTOMERS MUST HAVE HAIR It is going awry. Seriously awry. There are even British skiers at the Winter Olympics who have done better than this. Barney catches the customers eye in the mirror, and smiles. Best not to let them know the full horror of what is happening. Sometimes, when the brain is still fuzzy and your fingers have yet to warm up, the first haircut of the day can be a calamity. A quick brush with the best intentions, before plummeting into the hairdressing equivalent of a Wall Street Crash. It will begin with a smile and a whistle of hope, but somewhere along the way it becomes a horror story. He studies the work he has done so far, and realises the shambles which he is creating. The customer requested the most straightforward of haircuts, a Frank Sinatra 39;62, but things have tumbled dramatically out of hand. Barney considers the only two options open to barbers when things have gone as badly wrong as this. Firstly, you can continue to cut, evening everything up, until the hair is the same length all round. However, this will likely leave the victim looking like a prisoner at a maximum security prison, and if he thinks like a prisoner at a maximum security prison, youre in trouble. Secondly, completely drown the customers head in water, deny him the use of a hairdryer, and let the full horror of what has been inflicted upon him be revealed much later when his hair has dried naturally. It will be an unlucky man who, under those circumstances, finds himself on a date with a girl whom he desperately does not want to look stupid in front of. Barney39;s customer is of immense bulk. Seven or eight feet wide, thinks Barney, and he can imagine the headlines in the newspapers. Sumo Wrestler Squashes Barber To Pulp. Judge Acquits Goliath For Revenge Murder Of Inept Barber. Option one is out. It will have to be number two, with the hope that such a titan will not ask for the hairdryer, lest other customers think him stupid. He hesitates, but there can only be one decision. Imagining himself to be Steve McQueen, he attempts to look composed and cool, and sets to work with all the certitude he can muster. Quarter of an hour later he breathes a sigh of relief as the customer, with his hair horrendously butchered and then drowned under a jug of water, retreats from the shop. Barney makes a note, to add to the list which is growing longer by the day, to ensure that he avoids the bloke in the street for the next few weeks. He looks round at the waiting area where there is a solitary figure in the queue. Recognising him as a regular of one of the other barbers, he nods at the man with no little resentment, then begins sweeping up the hair from the previous customer noticing as he does so that a disproportionate amount of it lies on the right-hand side. From Barney Thomson by Douglas Lindsay